It has been difficult since yesterday. After three powerful and fun days in Barcelona, then embarking upon the ship that is taking me through the Mediterranean this week, I encountered a situation that was completely counter to my expectations. I will not detail the snafu, only some of my process around it. Today I walked through the difficulty, meditated and processed constricting emotions like frustration, anger, and even rage.
I wondered, "Where is the inspiration, the enchantment, the stuff of the Spiritual Traveler?" I feel utterly disappointed that I have lost the essence, the wonderful thread that I picked up in Barcelona. Yet, I suspected this was a case of things coming up to be healed and changed within me because certain limitations I still carry cannot be brought along on the next phase of my journey. Nonetheless, it doesn't feel easy to go through it.
I think sometimes difficulty dissipates without our even knowing what it was – subconscious blocks or emotional patterns can be resolved without our realizing it, through the grace of our Higher Selves and other parts of us who are truly willing to move past obstacles in our growth. Other times, the change is not so elegant. Let me embrace my path for what it is and forgive what is hard to deal with and understand.
I realize the skill I develop when I walk through difficult situations with determination, dedication, and resolve. It's not always pretty, and goodness knows, yesterday was not. The situation was the result of misinformation and lack of understanding. I was livid, but as a rule I deal with such emotions in my own space without inflicting them on others, while still speaking truth to the situation out loud as best I can. I had quite a challenging time handling myself.
So, as I said earlier, I walked through some difficulty, meditated and processed constricting emotions like frustration, anger, and even rage. I took until today to sink down into it, seeking resolution. Of course, my spirituality and self responsibility piece is what always brings me around.
Some wonderful realizations I had in meditation today: I am loved and I need to allow myself to be loved. Be loved by my world, by my environment, by everything that I have constructed around me… live in the dominion of walking in grace because this whole thing – life on earth, physical reality – was set up for my enjoyment and for me to participate in, promote, and support the enjoyment of others. I then interacted with archetypal personages from my inner world who enlightened me as to where I am and where I am going in life and evolution. That always helps!
The frustration and consternation in my heart melted away when I beheld beauty, stepping into a scene of beauty in my meditation that was so touching it brought me to tears. As I wrote or said in one of my recent posts, one of my greatest teachers speaks of beauty as not simply that which is nice to look at, but a phenomenal force that touches us, reaches inside of us and can dynamically change the configuration of our consciousness if we fully let it in. Do not underestimate beauty and its power. There is a reason why beautiful things such as art, people, nature, baby animals, sunsets, and other natural and human configurations make us stop, do a double take, or set everything down to take in its energy. And again, it's not simply about what is pleasing to the eye, it is an active force that reaches out and grabs you. Beauty is affirmative of the deep goodness and truth that is behind all things.
Speaking of beauty: Now the crescent/maiden moon is up, beckoning me and heralding the New Adventure. The sun has set after lending me his warmth to both ignite and transmute my rage; the air grows cool after giving me the wind to help lift my difficulties; the sea gently undulates in waves as she continues to siphon off, adsorb, and dissolve my consternation. And the earth, though nowhere in visible sight wraps me in her energy. I have a sense of myself upon this ship, all of the waters and all of us upon the planet being held in the gravity of her force as we live and inhabit the surface of this spinning globe. She holds us to her bosom like a loving mother, not letting her child fall down and spin off into oblivion.
Connected to what I said the other day about beauty – it is a real remedy, solution, and possible healing balm for negativity, violence, trouble, and difficulty in our personal world and in the world at large. So it would seem today that as I am poised to go deeper into the experience of more beauty in these coming days, issues have been brought up within me to be cleansed, purified, processed out, transmuted, and transformed so that I may transcend. Therefore, on this night, I stand ready to experience what is likely to be one of the most beautiful days and occurrences of this journey beginning tomorrow morning.
Last night the planet Venus/Aphrodite/Hathor shone so brightly it cast a light/path upon the sea. I called upon her to help lift me out of my frustration into more expansive emotions. Now, by the grace of Goddess/God, I'm looking at a sliver of orange in the sky low on the horizon - it's the crescent moon again, not just amber, but deep orange sitting on the edge of the sea. Amazing. I've never seen that before, and it's so faint now it won't even register in my camera, otherwise I would show you a picture. Beauty-full, indeed. I am inspired again. Thank you Goddess.